I’m going for F1

I’m going for F1 today!

Not that I really care about F1. I probably won’t recognize any of them even if they run me over. I’m going because Big Bang will be performing tonight.

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Yay for Big Bang. Do I sound very unenthused about this? I adore Daesung but I’ve been sick for the past couple of days and I am saving up my energy for later.

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Isn’t my daesungie cute?

Imagine, once upon a time, I shiver at the thought of squeezing with a horde of screaming lunatics (read: fangirls). Yet this year, I’ve attended three concerts already, all of them thumping rock concerts with screaming fans. There were so many awesome moments that it would have made 2013 a fantastically good year if not for my grandfather’s passing.

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The white pick is MINE. J actually squatted down and placed it nicely into my waiting hand, to the shrieking jealousy of all the other girls around. How is that not fantastic? 🙂

I hope Big Bang later will be amazing. Never thought I’ll willingly subject myself to a few thousand fanatic fangirls but the future (present now) is indeed a place full of surprises.

I suppose I have my grandfather to thank. Yes, I think of him often enough that I can even relate fangirling to him. His passing left me with a lot of bitter regrets. Those regrets were nothing big, just little things like how I should have spent more time with him or visit that place with him, but it is also why they left such a bitter taste on my tongue. They were all little things that I could have easily done and should have done. What I’m doing now is what I should have done; living life with no regrets, trying out new things, venturing out of my comfort zone.

Maybe he’ll be proud of me…

有时,我会在意想不到的地方想起你

爷爷,

我刚刚在搭巴士时,想起你了。坐在我前面的是一对姐弟,就跟我和弟弟一样,和他们的外公或爷爷。

他们年纪还小,就是读小学的那种年纪,很好动,一直动个不停, 玩个不停。他们的爷爷面对着他们,也对他们一直说个不停,不管他们有没有认真在听,他都一直唸,一直比手画脚地,很有耐心地唸。

我戴着耳机听着音乐,根本听不到他在唸什么,只有眼睛看得到他那双手一直在动。他没你高,比你瘦,不过,他的手和你的一样,是一双’老人手’。黑黑和皱皱的一双和你一同相似的’老人手’。

突然间,突然之间,我好想好想你。太突如其来了,我鼻子一酸,眼眶突然发热,想你想到我都快哭出来了。多想在听你唸我呀!想听你再骂我懒,整天睡个不停,想听你嫌我慢,做事像只乌龟。

不过,我始终没哭出来。我的眼泪不是随随便便给人家看笑话的。要哭也要等到躲在自己房间才能哭。而且,突然间在巴士上,拿着手机哭,好像被男朋友用简讯甩了。

爷爷啊,有时,我会在意想不到的地方想起你,而且又真的真的很想你。

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